Letter in the Locker
by BleachedMerc
Summary: High school can be such a drag for an average guy who doesn't fit into any of the traditional cliques. But what happens when a girl comes falling from the sky?


It was just an ordinary day at Destiny High. The teachers were as boring as ever, and no one could keep awake during Miss Hendrick's literature class. It was Shakespeare season, and you know what that means: lots of hot guys getting lots of hot girls. Or something like that. Cogsworth didn't know. He never read Shakespeare, but from all the hype, he just assumed it'd be another thing to give his pudgy, little body a bad image.

While Miss Hendricks was babbling about some kind of balcony, Cogsworth let out a sigh and gazed out the window. It was too nice a day to stay inside a stuffy classroom all day. But he needed the attendance in order to pass. One more F, and he'd be kicked out of his seventh school. Being a 30-year-old student was tough.

It was around the time that Miss Hendricks started her one-woman fight scene that a spitwad smacked Cogsworth's cheek. That was the fifteenth one that day, and he didn't need to turn around to know that it was Rafiki flinging the wads. Cool jocks like him got all the looks, ladies, and luck.

When the bell rang, Cogsworth was the first one out the door. Lagging too long in the classroom would've gotten him saddled with eraser duty again, and last time, the chalk dust got so far up his nose that he required a sinus transplant and rhinoplasty. Now his mustache was made of clock hands.

On his way home to the castle where he was a servant sold into slavery by his pirate parents who went bankrupt during the European economic downturn, Cogsworth decided to take the long way that cut through the local park. While there, his eye spied a half-eaten ham sandwich just sitting on a bench all by its lonesome, and because Rafiki had jokingly tossed Cogsworth's bagged lunch out the window, he decided to nab the free food. Although strangely soggy, Cogsworth found it hugely satisfying.

After his surprise lunch, Cogsworth grew sleepy. He decided to take a snooze on the bench, and before he knew it, the sun had set. With a loud yawn, Cogsworth stretched out his arms and prepared to continue his journey home. And that's when he saw it—the event that would change his entire life. Suddenly, it started to snow golden flakes, and, thinking that it was radiation from the nearby nuclear plant, Cogsworth ran from the hills. His stubby, little legs didn't get him very far, however, and before he knew it, a damsel in a flowing, blue nightgown fell out of the sky and collapsed on him.

Now, there's a long story about how that girl got into the sky, polluted it with nuclear fallout, and somehow wound up with a stolen nightgown. But this isn't that story. This is a story of an average man with a not-so-average-yet-overly-cliche following.

The buxom babe's nightgown had somehow hitched on a branch during her plummet to earth, thus tearing it to show an embarrassing amount of cleavage. Cogsworth was in love.

"Watch where you're going, churl!" The buxom babe stood up and brushed her gown clean of radioactive dust. "You are in the presence of a LADY."

"I, well, err, that is..." Cogsworth was beside himself with awe. He couldn't sputter out a single coherent word.

Patting down her wind-streaked grey hair, she made herself presentable and stood with pride. "Where am I, peasant?" she said, taking a look around the park. "By the looks of things, this must be the slum." She sneered at some squirrels and deer that ran by.

Cogsworth was still too flabbergasted to reply and instead continued to babble like an idiot.

"Hmph, as to be expected from a boorish oaf." Sticking her nose up at Cogsworth, the babe walked out of the park, leaving the roly-poly man dumbfounded.

Eventually, Cogsworth somehow made his way back to the castle where a mountain of chores and homework awaited him. He had to dust the shelves, cook the prince a midnight snack, reorganize his roommate's organizer, and prepare his project for the science fair. After putting the finishing touches on his magnetized clock-hands that now pointed north, it was time for morning chores and school.

In class, Rafiki thought it'd be a great idea to give Cogsworth a wedgie in order to scientifically prove that fat men are anatomically different from everyone else. He got an A+. Cogsworth, meanwhile, got an F because his clock-hands would up lost in his nostrils. In literature class, Miss Hendrick's performance of Hamlet was a welcome reprieve. Cogsworth felt just like that crystal skull. He wanted to just crawl inside a fridge and hide from the nuclear meltdown that was his life. When gym class rolled around, Coach Heinz was being an extra meanie by forcing Cogsworth to run ten extra laps just because his jiggling belly made the coach's little niece giggle.

Just when Cogsworth thought he couldn't catch a break, art class rolled around and his spirits soared. There, sitting in the back of the class, was his angel.

"Class, I'd like you all to meet the new transfer student," said Mr. Wow, the cool cat art teacher. "This is Lady Tremmy-"

"Tremaine," the buxom babe corrected with a stiff, harsh tone.

"Sure, whatevs," shrugged the cat. "Now kids, let's pick up where we left off in our sketches of nude models. As luck would have it, Tammy here is a certified model, so get your pads ready."

As if his truest dreams were coming true, Cogsworth watched like a drooling, hungry wolf as his buxom goddess stood up in the center of the class and disrobed. Her saggy sweetness would forever be etched in his fondest memories. Thirty minutes of pure bliss passed him, and class ended without him having drawn a thing. As the classroom emptied, Cogsworth chased his babelicious goddess into the hallway. "W-what are you doing here?" he managed to sputter.

"Don't address me as if I am a mere waif, peasant! The correct way to address a lady is to announce yourself first," she said while snubbing him.

"B-but!"

"Never you mind that silliness!" She turned around and looked him dead in the eyes. "Where is it?"

"Huh?"

"Do not test me! My patience wear thin by the second."

"I-I'm afraid I don't-"

"You fool." The buxom babe continued walking towards a group of girls. "Come Anastasia and Drizella!"

"Who's that hot bod you were scoping?" said Anastasia.

Drizella licked her lips.

"Never you mind." The Lady walked, and the girls followed.

Cogsworth was beside himself. He didn't know what was going on anymore. The next few days passed him like a blur. They were filled with chores, Shakespeare, and stolen glances. Before he knew it, he somehow wound up locked in the gym with his buxom fantasy and her two maidens. Coach Heinz said he was going to find the key, but his niece said something about picking up a "paystation", so he wasn't sure he could trust him.

So there he was: roly-poly Cogsworth locked in a tiny gym with three of the steamiest women. Tensions were high, and no one was sure how it started, but eventually, Cogsworth found himself smacked, kicked, and slapped like mad.

The next day, Cogsworth walked to school with blemishes all over his round face. He stopped at his locker like normal, and it was there that the letter greeted him. The message was so powerful, that it killed him. Cogsworth fell dead on the ground, killed by anthrax.

The school was shut down while the guys from the BSAA sterilized everything. While going through Cogsworth's locker, Chris Redfield found a contaminated Pooh stick. He have it a quick antidote and then handed it over to Roo, who was wearing a hazmat suit. Roo proceeded to return the Pooh stick to the Fellowship of the Pooh.

The end.


End file.
